In this blog post, I will honestly talk about how the experience of facing death directly through the dissection of a corpse left an aspiring medical student with certain feelings and realizations.
First Step
The sound of our footsteps echoed in the hallway of the lab. The faces of the other students were half nervous and half excited. I, too, was at a loss for what to do in a situation I had never experienced before, and my mind was as blank as a piece of paper. Unlike our usual playful selves in our lab coats and lab glasses, we were quiet today. No one said a word, and we just prepared for the lab. As soon as I entered the lab, the strong and pungent formaldehyde that greeted me every day signaled the start of the lab. Just a few months ago, I never thought I would be in this position. As I entered the lab, I felt that the moment I had been looking forward to was approaching.
Opportunity
High school students in the United States who aspire to attend the Ivy League or pre-med or pre-law programs must spend their summer vacation, which is the longest vacation of their four years of high school, as efficiently as possible. For example, they should do internships, take college classes, participate in large-scale volunteer activities or research, etc. During my sophomore summer vacation, I decided to take an anatomy class at a college. The pig dissection class I took in my first year of biology led me to medicine and further solidified my dream of becoming a surgeon. So I applied to Brown University to take an anatomy course during the summer break for high school students. The program, which allows high school students to experience dissecting a corpse firsthand, was a great opportunity that I could not miss. And through this class, I experienced my first independent life away from my parents. I was worried about whether I could live and study safely in the eastern part of the country where I knew no one. Looking back on that time, I did a lot of things for the first time in a month. I took a plane for the first time, stayed away from my family for the first time, dissected a corpse for the first time, lived at a university for the first time, and did laundry for the first time. My purpose for applying to Brown University began with my interest in academics, but it ended up being a valuable opportunity to experience “self-reliance” and “independence,” which are more important than academics.
I still remember it. I looked out the window after the plane landed in Rhode Island. In my head, I was preoccupied with various worries, from finding my suitcase to taking a taxi to Brown University. Everything felt hopeless. After arriving at the university campus by taxi, I was faced with an even bigger challenge. In the summer heat, I had to find my dorm room by myself and carry two suitcases up the stairs to my room on the second floor. Many students arrived at the campus alone, but there were also many students who came with their parents. Since there was no air conditioner in the room, a fan was essential to endure the summer heat that year. I still remember going out of the school and running around the surrounding shops alone to find a fan. The dormitory assistant ordered us to gather in 30 minutes, so we ran around like we were on a treasure hunt. That day, I learned the bitter taste of independence. But when I saw the corpse lying in front of me for the first time to dissect it, my hesitation about coming to Brown University and my fear of independence that I had a few months ago disappeared in an instant.
Enlightenment
I held a scalpel and tweezers in my hands and observed the left arm of the cat that we had been dissecting for a week. Then I set out to find the common carotid arteries. However, the professor called our group to another lab connected to the lab, so we left the cat and moved with our group members. As I slowly entered the lab containing the body, I could see the body being taken out of a large plastic bag. And I saw a corpse for the first time in my life. I had imagined that a corpse would look like a wax statue, but the corpse in front of me looked like it was alive. When I finally reached out to touch the corpse’s arm, I felt as if my heart had stopped. It was cold, moist, and heavy. The “patient” I was to examine for the first time had already passed away.
Every time I practiced, the stench of formaldehyde became more intense and soaked into my clothes. But my aversion to dissecting corpses gradually disappeared. On the fifth day of the dissection, the abdominal pelvic cavity was opened. While observing this, another student asked the professor what that stone-like object was. It was an aortic aneurysm. I looked at the aneurysm with curiosity. Is this what causes death? It was hard to believe that something the size of my fist could have such a huge impact on people. This aneurysm had the ability to take a precious life. This aneurysm could also cause great suffering to others due to the death of one person. This aneurysm could do countless things, but I, who was just watching it, could do very little. At that moment, I felt helpless for the first time, and I saw myself as a person who wanted to be a doctor and I felt very miserable. The corpse lying in front of me had died for another reason before the aneurysm was discovered, but I wondered if I, as a doctor, would have been able to discover the aneurysm and successfully treat it if the patient had come to me as a patient. I couldn’t answer this question with confidence. But at that moment, I thought that the corpse in front of me had given the last gift that a person could give to students who dream of becoming doctors. His last gift was his body itself, and he gave that gift to me, and no one else. This gift made me realize that I should learn the body of a person through dissection as if I knew it intimately. Furthermore, I felt a sense of obligation to study hard to acquire the knowledge and skills to save and treat my future patients.
Resolution
I will never forget that summer vacation. By experiencing the dissection of a corpse, I was able to confirm my curiosity about medicine and my desire to treat patients, which is even more important. I was also able to learn about independence as a soon-to-be adult. And I learned that in order to be a true member of society, I must be able to take care of myself outside of my parents’ care so that I can take care of and look after others.
Observing them in an exposed state shows how vulnerable the heart, lungs, stomach, and other organs of the human body are. However, when all organs function as one, they constitute a human being with infinite possibilities. At Brown University, I took my first step toward medicine. And after briefly studying anatomy, I chose the path of a medical scientist, even though it is a difficult one. I think there is nothing more joyful than being able to witness and experience the mysteries of the human body firsthand. Furthermore, I want to keep the happiness and pride I feel when I treat patients and see their health gradually improve in my heart for the rest of my life. Now, I have chosen a path where love and sadness, hope and despair, life and death coexist, and I have begun to walk that path. More than anything, I want to follow this path to the end because it is a path that is full of the beauty of life.
