This blog post takes a deep look at the loneliness behind the active communication on social media and its psychological and social causes.
The spread of social networking services (SNS) has changed the concept of privacy from the past, which meant freedom of privacy, and has also changed people’s perceptions of managing and protecting their personal information. People are afraid of having their personal information leaked, but on the other hand, they actively disclose their private lives through social media. In the past, people simply provided personal information to service providers in order to use Internet services, but today, they disclose their “when,” “where,” and “what” to the whole world through social media such as Facebook and Twitter. Why do they reveal their private lives to the whole world? I think the reason is that people today feel “loneliness in the crowd.” People living in modern society, which is becoming increasingly individualized and atomized, often say that they feel “loneliness in the crowd.”
Why do they reveal their private lives to the whole world? Despite the loneliness and depression they feel in their hearts, they try to force themselves to smile regardless of how they feel in order to receive a good evaluation from people involved in their affairs. American sociologist David Riesman said that the “loneliness in the crowd” of modern people is caused by the fact that they are constantly aware of their surroundings in order not to fall behind in the social ranks.
In this regard, it is necessary to look at the structural changes in modern society. In the past, there were strong local communities or family-centered communities, and people could naturally feel a sense of belonging. However, the progress of urbanization and informatization has led to the collapse of these traditional communities. People are now connected through networks regardless of physical distance, but these connections are often superficial and temporary. Social media emerged as a tool to alleviate the alienation of modern people, but in reality, it can lead to even deeper loneliness.
Modern people are always feeling lonely because they are struggling with the conflict between their outward sociability and their inner sense of loneliness. Contrary to their outward sociability, the social nature of people who are frustrated and suffering from an inner sense of isolation is revealed as “loneliness in the crowd.” Modern people’s anxiety about the emptiness and loneliness within them manifests itself in their desperate efforts to avoid isolation from society, and they end up trying to present themselves to others in a way that is more appealing.
However, trying to present oneself to others in a way that makes oneself look better does not solve the fundamental cause of the loneliness that people feel. Rather, the more one tries to present oneself, the more one will feel the bitterness of loneliness. Even though they live surrounded by countless people every day, the feeling of emptiness that cannot be filled comes across as pain. For people who are tired of this mental pain, “social networking services” will seem really attractive. Through SNS, they can escape from people in their daily lives who cannot reveal their true feelings, and they can create new relationships with people who share similar interests and tastes, which can alleviate each other’s loneliness. For those who feel lonely in a crowd, social media is like a lifeline from heaven, and their social needs can be seen as an effort to form a new community with people with similar interests as themselves. By forming a community with others who share similar interests and tastes through social media, people are trying to alleviate the sense of loneliness they each feel and satisfy their social needs.
Since we cannot search for each other without information about individuals, we must disclose information about our daily lives, preferences, and interests in order to form a community that suits us. We must disclose to others what we are interested in, what activities we like, and even what we do, when we do it, and where we do it in order to attract people with similar interests. In other words, in order to form a community with people who have similar interests to you on social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter, you must disclose information about your daily life.
The development of smartphones and wired and wireless communication technologies has provided an environment where people can access the Internet network anytime, anywhere. People are armed with the sense of security that they belong to a community through social media at every moment, enabling them to fight against the beast of loneliness that greedily opens its mouth inside them. However, people gradually realize that they cannot attract people without revealing their more special and more stimulating private lives on social media. Information that has already been disclosed, such as what kind of movies they like and what their favorite sports are, cannot attract the attention of the community, and the anxiety of gradually falling behind and being isolated from the group begins to appear. Therefore, in order not to be left behind in the community, people become more active in revealing their private lives and records of their daily lives. From the moment they leave their homes until they return after work and before going to bed, they make their every move public. In an extreme sense, even the moments when they meet and talk with other people in society are semi-coercively reported to the community on social media.
Since they reveal their private lives on social media, they feel that they are being judged by more people than in their social lives. In order to receive good reviews from others, they always post only well-lit photos and show only the glamorous side of themselves. In order not to be left behind in the community of social media, they constantly live with a sense of self-consciousness. In the end, the human relationships on social media are not much different from the way people form relationships in society. The only difference is that the target of everyday life has shifted from friends to an unspecified number of people online, and they have been more actively revealing their private lives. The “loneliness in the crowd” that they have felt in modern society has also been repeated on social media. Trying to soothe the emptiness and loneliness inside through social media is like pouring water into a bottomless pit.
What is the way to reverse this situation? After all, in order to feel a true sense of belonging, we need to make efforts to form deeper relationships regardless of physical distance. In order to form more genuine and meaningful relationships that go beyond superficial connections, it is important to spend time face-to-face, even if using social media. It is also important to accept yourself as you are rather than trying to embellish yourself and maintain relationships with people who can truly understand your inner loneliness.
Our anxiety is like this. The desire to always be in the crowd and the fear of falling into loneliness alone. No matter how many people you connect with through social networks, you will eventually feel lonely and your emptiness will not be filled. The effort to reveal yourself on social media only entangles yourself. Even if you are afraid of the loneliness you will feel when you are left alone in the theater after the people have left, the actor must come down from the stage after the performance is over. Even if you try to forcefully hold the audience, eventually a night comes when you are left alone. You must return home to the relatives who will love you for who you are, as you are, after taking down the stage. However, the journey of those who suffer from loneliness, who are still searching for people who will embrace them, does not stop. With the illusion that they will eventually be able to fill the emptiness in their hearts.
