In this blog post, we’ll explore the story of someone who, while watching ‘Little Miss Sunshine’, reflected on their past and present and contemplated hope, hard work, and the direction of their life.
Me on a Bumpy Bus
Watching this movie brings back many memories of my childhood. As a child, I was a very quiet kid. The reason was that no matter what I did, it didn’t seem like my future would change. Among adults, I was just a powerless child with no unique personality, simply following their lead. So, for a time, I thought that doing nothing—not even speaking—was the way to live a comfortable life. I’m not sure why, but the turning point that changed my pessimistic outlook—even if only slightly—was the first mock exam I took after entering high school. On the day I received my score report, I realized that I could change my life on my own. It seemed as though I could add color to my life, which had been like a black-and-white photograph, and I began to harbor a vague dream of what kind of person I wanted to become, along with some almost fantastical expectations. From that point on, I think I’ve lived my life to the best of my ability—even when it was a bit tough—to hold onto that small hope I had.
The hope that I can do something wonderful, or that I can become a wonderful person, seems to have the power to move people—even if it’s just an illusion. When people see no possibilities in life, or when they can’t find them on their own, they lose their will and come to a standstill. Conversely, if they believe there’s even the slightest chance of things getting better than they are now, they’ll work even harder for the future. Even the same person becomes a completely different person depending on whether or not they have hope in their heart. What’s interesting is that even if that hope is false or stems from ignorance, it still exerts enough power to drive a person forward.
If changing my life and achieving my dreams is what we call success, then as a high school student, I chose studying as the means to that success and never once doubted that path. I believed that studying would make my hopes come true. And so, leaving behind a past of wandering aimlessly, I boarded a bus heading toward the final destination I called “utopia.” Of course, the bus didn’t travel as fast as I’d expected, but I believed I was moving forward step by step in my own way.
It wasn’t until after I graduated high school, entered college, and completed my military service that I belatedly realized the bus I’d been riding had been bumping along for a long time. That’s because I didn’t think I could achieve what I wanted just by continuing to study, as I had done my whole life. I also felt a sense of crisis—that I couldn’t guarantee my future if I kept studying like I was doing now. Would studying these subjects really allow me to achieve what I truly wanted? Wouldn’t I actually fall behind the times if I just kept studying? Wouldn’t I miss out on other opportunities if I focused solely on studying? In movies and comics, there are often characters who are skilled in theory but are easily overpowered by resourceful opponents in real-life situations. I was afraid that I was becoming just such a person—someone who only knows how to work hard but is unable to adapt flexibly to the world.
I often found myself thinking, “Why hadn’t I ever questioned my life of studying and hard work until now?” No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t deny the fact that studying doesn’t necessarily lead to success. There are countless people in the world who have succeeded not just through studying, but by leveraging their own unique talents or by reading the trends of the times. Looking back, it seems the friends who spent their high school years building memories with others rather than saving every minute to study were actually the wiser ones. Perhaps everyone except me had already sensed the thoughts and feelings I’m experiencing now. At a time when everyone was harboring doubts that the “hope” of studying might actually be an illusion, I believed in it without a shred of doubt. Perhaps it was precisely because I was the most innocent student in our high school that I was able to focus solely on my studies.
Maybe that’s why, while watching the movie, I felt that Olive in the film resembled the person I used to be. The movie’s title, ‘Little Miss Sunshine’, is the name of the children’s beauty pageant featured in the film. Olive is a pure-hearted girl who desperately wants to win that pageant. She believes, with childlike innocence and simplicity, that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. Not wanting to shatter that fantasy, Olive’s family sets out on a grueling journey in an old, rickety bus that keeps breaking down. This is because they had no other suitable vehicle to use. However, the family already knows, to some extent, that it will be difficult for Olive to become Miss Little Sunshine. They had suspected that it wouldn’t be easy for Olive—who is overweight and lacks any special talents—to win. Nevertheless, to protect their child’s innocent dream, they put aside their own responsibilities, board the bus together, and set off toward their destination.
The Bus That Will Take Me to My Final Destination
When Olive later realized on her own that she could never become Miss Little Sunshine, did she resent her family’s lies, or did she shed tears at the love they had shown by going to such lengths for her? The film ends with a scene of the family boarding the bus again to return home after the Miss Little Sunshine pageant. But if I imagine what happened afterward, I can’t help but think that perhaps, many years later, Olive found the strength to move forward, cherishing that journey as a precious memory.
However, when I compare myself to the Olive I’ve imagined, it seems I haven’t been able to embrace the past as warmly as she did. Instead, I’ve spent more time blaming myself for my shortcomings and regretting the time that has passed. Why didn’t I think things through a little more when choosing my major? Why didn’t I prepare for the hard times sooner? Was the idea that “studying is the only thing I can do” just an excuse I made for myself? I began to doubt everything I’d done up to that point, and I was afraid that the path I was on might not be the right one after all. I also felt discouraged by the realization that I’d been riding this bus all along, clinging only to hope, without even knowing where it was taking me. I even began to wonder if the hope I had believed in all along might not have been hope at all.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize that just as Olive could never hate the love and affection her family showed her in trying to protect her innocent illusions, I, too, cannot deny the past version of myself who poured all her passion and devotion into achieving her goals. Perhaps because my younger self worked so stubbornly back then, my life now has become a little harder. But the person I am today is, after all, the result of those times. That very determination—to the point of seeming foolish—is precisely what I can now present with the greatest confidence. The bus may have rattled along the way, but it has clearly arrived here, and I am standing right here on that path. That is why I cannot simply deny the path and time I’ve traveled and dwell only on regret.
“…all those he suffered. Those were the best years of his life, cause they made him who he was.”
Just as Frank says in the movie, everything I’ve done so far—whether right or wrong—was ultimately part of the journey that shaped who I am today. It doesn’t seem so bad to comfort myself by thinking, as the movie’s line suggests, that those were the most precious times of my life. Those moments when I was so engrossed in a book to learn something that I didn’t even realize I’d boarded a rattling bus—even if they didn’t take me to my desired destination—all that time remains a precious memory for me. There’s no need to force myself to deny them, and given my personality, I probably couldn’t do that anyway.
“And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I’ll find a way to fly.”
Of course, no matter how much I think about it, there are parts I can’t easily rationalize. Even if my past self was a pretty cool person—even by today’s standards—if I keep repeating the same patterns in my current state, I’ll never reach the destination I want. If the path the bus has taken so far was the wrong one, I need to find a new path and change direction. If the bus I’ve been riding so far was the wrong one, I need to wait for another bus and switch, even if it takes a little longer.
If there’s someone who’s already taken this bus and experienced that path, I should meet with them and ask for advice. And after all this reflection, the tentative conclusion I reached was clear: I must no longer limit myself to simply studying what’s given to me with diligence; instead, I must constantly ponder my future and ask myself questions. Otherwise, I’ll end up repeating the same worries, blaming the past once again, and fearing the future that lies ahead.
“A real loser is someone who is so afraid of not winning that they don’t even try.”
And after all this reflection, the final conclusion I reached for myself is that I must embrace pure hope once more and take on new challenges with passion. I must reflect, correct the bus’s course if necessary, and boldly switch to a different bus if needed. Of course, in a life filled with countless crossroads, finding the path to my desired destination won’t be as easy as I imagined in my childhood. But precisely because it’s not easy, I believe I must sometimes trust myself and find the strength to move forward.
I need the courage and passion I had when I first boarded that bus. It might sound like bravado, but if I can reignite that passion—just like I did in high school—to overcome the difficult times ahead, I believe I’ll be able to move forward again. And that bus won’t just be one that races forward; it will be one that travels the right path toward the destination I desire.
People Outside the Bus Window
It seems to be a time filled with all sorts of worries. The reality of job hunting—which until now felt so distant—has suddenly loomed right before my eyes, and the news is filled with unsettling reports day after day. Even though I’ve lived my life to the best of my ability so far, there are times when it feels like there’s not much I can actually do. On the other hand, some of my peers are already taking steps toward their own success.
It feels as though the beauty pageant in the movie is taking place every day in real life as well. Everyone is racing toward their own destination. But when I suddenly look back, I can’t help but wonder if, before we know it, everyone has made “living just like everyone else” their life’s goal—and is constantly imitating others just to keep up. In that process, I, too, have experienced my values being shaken many times.
It seems I must live while constantly reflecting in order to stay true to myself. And although the conclusion I’ve reached so far might sound a bit childish, it remains unchanged: a life in which I hold onto wonderful dreams and hopes for myself, believe in them, and live passionately is the life that suits me best right now.
Reality will likely shake me up many times in the future, and the bus I’m riding may continue to bump along. But I believe what matters isn’t whether the bus is perfect or not, but rather that I constantly check where I’m headed and never lose the courage to correct my course when necessary. Hope can sometimes be an illusion or a naive belief. Yet the power that drives people forward ultimately stems from that very hope.
So today, I board the bus once again. This time, rather than blindly staring straight ahead, I’ll keep asking myself whether I’m on the right path toward my final destination—and I’ll be ready to choose a new path if necessary. I believe that the very process of moving forward one step at a time will someday become a precious memory that allows me to look back on who I am now and smile.
