In this blog post, I will take a closer look at whether the tears shed at a funeral are a sign of genuine sadness or a sign of self-pity for those of us who are left alone.
Since I was a child, I have lived with my grandparents, but we were not close. My grandparents always lived their lives in their own way, and I naturally kept my distance from their lives. Their lives were stuck in the past, while I was on my way to the future. We were in the same space, but we were people living in different times. Maybe that’s why I didn’t shed a tear at the funeral. I couldn’t understand the sadness of the guests at the funeral, let alone the tears of my mother, who had been mistreating my grandparents every day. Was it to match the mood? Or was it because it was the last one, so the emotions were heightened? It was like babies who all start crying when one of them starts crying. I was not that old when I had the funeral, but I think I had a firm attitude toward accepting death. Even now, I don’t think I would shed tears if anyone else were to die.
Death is, in a dictionary sense, the loss of life. This word may seem to be simply defined, but it has deep meanings hidden within it. Death is a word that has many meanings, but I would say it is a change in relationships. It is like moving to another country, moving to a completely different world, whether it be material or spiritual. There is only a difference in degree. We can say that we have said goodbye to the person who has passed away. I think that the sadness felt by someone who has witnessed someone’s death is a product of loneliness left alone, like someone who has been told goodbye by a loved one. Those of us who are still alive in this world have an obligation to end our lonely lives.
Since I was young, I have often experienced a sense of distance and isolation in my relationships with people. It may be that this is even more apparent in my relationship with death. If you think that the people left behind in this world are more difficult and lonely than those who have moved to the world of death, you can understand the tears at funerals a little. People always put their own well-being first, so it can be said that I cried because of my loneliness, not because of your death. In a way, it may be natural to feel sad about life. We experience separation from our parents’ bodies from the moment we are born and become completely alone. No one can be exactly like me, and no one fully understands me. To fully understand another person is to become that person, and that person cannot be called a stranger in the first place. Even if we do not consider the authenticity of the sympathy and comfort we receive from others, we feel extreme loneliness and sadness in our lives. To endure this sadness, we drink alcohol that threatens our lives, become dangerous by not letting go of our smartphones on the street, and ruin our bodies by using computers all night. It is about reducing sadness by risking one’s life. It is normal and natural to feel sadness in life, and we should accept it as it is.
Now let’s talk about the sadness of those who have passed away. Although we cannot confirm the existence of the afterlife, if the afterlife exists and it is possible to think after death, those who have passed away will also experience separation. The world and people experience separation, which is a relative concept because it is the distance between two people that has increased. Since there is no absolute standard to determine which world is the right one, the deceased is also left alone, and his or her feelings will be lonely and sad.
I believe that life and death are a series of events, and that death does not come after life, but simply increases the distance between the two. There is only a village of death next to the village of life. We, the living, have treated the events that occur in the afterlife as if they were in order because we have defined them in the absence of information about the afterlife. This is a landscape beyond the wall that no matter how much science develops, we will never be able to know. People who have been well-trained in the sadness of loneliness they felt while they were alive can also accept the loneliness that comes from death well. We will be able to accept death, not only the death of others, but also our own death, with humility and dignity. If our thinking is limited to this world, death will be the only sadness. However, both life and death are lonely, and since they were in equal positions from the beginning, death should not be more sad or life less sad.
Marvel Comics’ green hero, the Hulk, becomes a super hero when he becomes a green giant when he gets angry. In fact, in the early days, the Hulk hurt people because he couldn’t control his anger, but he found a way to do it. He exposed himself as he was in his anger. He became able to control his abilities because he was always angry. We, too, should expose ourselves to grief like the Hulk and accept the loneliness that comes from life and death as it is. We should not rely on alcohol or computers to have the strength to endure grief, but become the blue Hulk and feel and enjoy grief. If we do that, we will become stronger and more peaceful than we are now.
