In this blog post, I look back on my embarrassing experiences from my past club activities and talk about how such failures and shortcomings can be the foundation for growth.
After two hectic weeks of high school, the moment came to choose a club. There were many different clubs, including classical guitar, band, and samulnori, but because I had experience playing ocarina before entering school, I joined the club called “Ocarina.” I chose the ocarina among various clubs because I have been fascinated by the soft tone of the ocarina since I was a child. This instrument has a simple and pure charm that is different from other instruments, and it always comforts my heart.
When I was one grade higher than them, many seniors were interested in this club, and nearly 60 people applied. However, when I joined, not many people applied, and there were almost no experienced people, so I became the president of the club naturally. I was a lot more timid than I am now. I was confident that I could work hard in the club, but not that I could lead the club well. Also, since our flag-waving club had fallen into the category of unpopular clubs, I had little pride in the club and was even a little embarrassed.
Naturally, my love for the club decreased, and I started to procrastinate. I managed to practice and finish the school performance, but I felt that there were many shortcomings in the process of deciding on the performance songs and in the process of assigning roles to other club members. I was also too indifferent to activities other than performances, such as recruiting and announcing new members. The next president didn’t even tell me what I was supposed to do. As a result, the size and pride of the club gradually decreased, and it eventually disappeared under two leaders.
At the time, we were just desperate to avoid every moment, but looking back now, I think these actions were really ugly and wrong. In particular, there are many things that I am very sorry and ashamed of, such as the fact that I abandoned the club, which had been running for more than 10 years, even though my seniors were interested in it, and that I did not do enough for the club compared to the efforts that my seniors put into the club and the performances. Even though I was the president, I was ashamed of the club rather than encouraging other members or making an effort. At the time, I did not think deeply about the impact of such behavior on the club as a whole.
The biggest reason I looked bad was that I was swayed without confidence and conviction. The biggest problem was that I was conscious of the many things that other people said about the club, and because of this, I even felt ashamed of the club. Whenever the topic of ocarina came up, I felt myself shrink. Then, other friends started making fun of me by using ocarina as a pretext, and the situation got worse as this happened repeatedly. I think a lot of things could have been improved if I had approached ocarina with a little more confidence. For example, if I had been a little more proactive in preparing for the performance, I could have asked other friends for help, and if I had been more assertive, I could have done a better job of selecting and assigning the performance songs. Also, if I had not been so self-conscious and shown signs of insecurity, more new members might have joined, and the club might have been able to continue.
A lack of confidence leads to a lack of leadership. While it is very important to do one’s job well, it is also very important to divide the work among each person and to lead others through this. A person without leadership skills looks bad because he or she cannot lead others or change a group and is dragged along by the opinions of others. At the time, I looked bad because I could not even lead myself, let alone lead a group, due to my lack of confidence. Through that experience, I learned that leadership is not something that is simply innate, but can be developed through effort and experience.
Due to the nature of the job I will have in the future, confidence and a strong belief in my work will be very important. It is essential for the profession of a doctor to make a confident judgment based on their own analysis of the situation and to have confidence in the judgment they have made, so they must overcome this even more. However, in my experience, the only way to overcome the lack of confidence and leadership is to simply change my own way of thinking, and there is no special way to do this. Perhaps the only way is to go through similar experiences and gradually improve.
I am now in college and I am in a classical guitar club called “Arpeggio.” Similar to the ocarina, the upper-class seniors were very popular in Arpeggio, but it was not very popular with my classmates, and the number of members has halved compared to the beginning of the semester. Also, after a year of hard practice in the club, I was given the title of “soloist” by the seniors to perform solo at next year’s concert. Not only the situation within the club, but also watching other clubs’ performances recently, I started to feel ashamed of the club I belong to again. But this time, I hope it will be different from when I was in high school.
Although I can’t play the guitar well and I have no pride, I will work with the club presidents and other kids to make the club flourish next year, and I will practice hard so that I can play at the concert without being ashamed. I will make this my primary goal for my future change and work hard to achieve it.
The reason I am good, even though I am not perfect, is that I am trying to fix my imperfections. Knowing my own problems well shows the potential for future development. In addition, I have strengths in traits that are the opposite of these. I lack confidence, so I think more than others when making the same decisions and think twice before making a decision. Instead of lacking my own opinion, I listen to and accept the opinions of others, so I don’t have many conflicts with others. Also, I am not yet good at leading a group, but I am confident that I will do my best as a member of the group.
As such, I have many shortcomings and flaws, but I also have the opposite of these, and since this is the case for everyone else, I try to think positively about my flaws. And I will move towards a better future based on these experiences. In the process of accepting and improving my shortcomings, I am growing little by little, and this process itself is very meaningful to me.
Ultimately, what matters is how I act and what mindset I bring to the table. I will not repeat the mistakes of the past. I will move forward with confidence and conviction, and do my best for myself and the club. This will not only be important for club activities, but will also be an important lesson for the rest of my life. I believe that my commitment and efforts will help me become a better person someday.
